Love The Bomb
by spiderbit
Summary: Bombs fell and the world ended in fire, and the four boys of Big Time Rush do what they can to survive. Kogan. Violence.
1. Chapter 1

_Whoa, new fic. I'm a sucker for post-apocalypse shit, which inspired this. Multiple pairings throughout, probably._

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own these boys. Just the words, which aren't as good, but what's a girl to do._

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><p>People filed into the building with no sign of letting up, each one nursing a wound or helping their companion who was incapable of walking on their own. Carlos peaked out of a small window and saw an extensive line that wrapped around the small pharmacy-turned-hospital building. He surveyed the line and saw people of any and all gender or race, and some children who somehow still had a flicker of naïve nope in their eyes, which Carlos couldn't help but admire. They were either incredibly brave for believing or incredibly stupid. One small girl waved at him, and he waved back and offered a small, weak smile before ducking back into the building. He grabbed the supplies Logan had instructed him to get and dashed out of the cramped room.<p>

The scene in the core of the hospital was one of despair and eerie calm. Some patients were fixated on something happening in the middle of the room, and others were speaking to their family or friends, perhaps for the last time. Carlos pushed himself through the murmuring crowd, offering an "excuse me" or an "I'm sorry" to anyone who gave him a particularly dirty look. When he reached the center he saw what everyone was so fascinated by, and he saw his best friend, Logan. He was patching up a particularly cut up young man of about twenty. He was completely focused on his task, his tongue sticking out slightly out of concentration, and only broke when he saw Carlos out of the corner of his eye.

"Did you get the bandages?" Logan asked, and when Carlos nodded, he beckoned the smaller boy toward him. Carlos handed off the supplies and Logan quickly went back to work. He held the bandages in his mouth as he stitched and cut, and Carlos was just as mesmerized as the people around them. He was fascinated at how quickly and aptly his friend worked, and also a bit weary of how quickly he had adapted to this, how quickly he had gotten used to staring at gaping wounds for hours at a time.

The end of the world was just that: the eradication of all of the things that make a civilized society. It began with public assassinations of political leaders, during press conferences or campaign speeches. One after another, mayors and governors were gunned down by mystery assailants, or the lucky ones experienced failure of the organs as a result of poison. This was followed by the disbanding of the FBI, which some had believed to be impossible. Soon, mysterious plagues hit small, remote towns, due to contaminated air. Then, there were the bombs.

They flew through the sky more frequently than airplanes, and you only had about ten minutes warning prior to each one. They began on the east coast and worked their way across the states, California being one of the last hit. In that sense, Carlos and his friends were blessed, but in another they were cursed to watch their home state of Minnesota get blown off the map. They all had gotten a chance to speak to their parents on Wednesday, and Carlos' dad told him to be brave no matter how scared he really was, just like his papi. James' parents reunited to say goodbye to their son, Logan's mom cried and the boy did his best not to do the same. She couldn't find his dad, and Kendall couldn't get in contact with his. He wasn't surprised though, as the only number he had of his was that of his home phone from when he was seven. Minnesota was hit on Thursday. They had no idea who had survived, and hadn't heard from any of them since.

Jennifer Knight was a wreck, and it killed Kendall inside. Katie kept spouting off cryptic exclamations about how she'd wished she'd done this or that before she got blown up. Mrs. Knight didn't leave bed, refusing to accept the fact that she was going to die. She only spoke about twice a day, to tell her kids that she loved them so much. Kendall was angry: that he couldn't stop all of this and keep his mom from crying, that he couldn't convince his little sister that she wasn't going to die. James had come to terms with it, surprisingly, and even cracked a few jokes about how he wished he had a pretty blonde with him to watch the world end with. He commented that he at least had Kendall, and that was one of the few times he had smiled those few days. Logan threw out statistics at random, and his friends would just listen and nod and occasionally offer a "That right, Loges?" knowing that it was just his coping mechanism. Logan hated not knowing things, and he didn't know how or why this was happening, or if he would die, and that made him crazy. Carlos was quiet, scarily so, and that didn't change despite his friends eagerly trying to perk up. Even Kendall, all tense and squared shoulders, would give him a pat on the back after catching him staring off into space, and tell him to "cheer up, bud." But he couldn't, because he was scared and sad and he just wasn't ready to die. He would never say that, though, because his dad wouldn't want that.

Despite all the preparation, all of the mental walls they put up, they were still shocked when it came. Sirens blared and people screamed throughout the PalmWoods as a distinct sound filled everyone's ears. They were instructed to go to the ground floor of the hotel in case it collapsed and were in a staircase then the bomb made impact. It's true what they say, that your life really does flash before your eyes, and Carlos saw images of pee-wee hockey, his parents, Gustavo and Kelly, and Big Time Rush's first show rapidly played out in his head. Then, everything went white, or black, or red, Carlos didn't know. He didn't hear anything, he didn't see anything, and he didn't feel anything. He thought he was dead, and if that this was heaven then being dead was going to be _really boring_.

The first thing he remembers actually seeing was downed beams and dust in the air. Carlos barely grasped the fact that he was alive before he heard the familiar voice of Katie yelling things that little girls shouldn't be yelling. He was almost without a scratch, his helmet having protected his head from a particularly heavy piece of wood that fell right near his it. He made a mental note to rub that in his friends' faces later. And then it hit him: _his friends_. He got up quickly and dug out Katie, who had broken her leg but hadn't shed a single tear. Carlos carried her on his back and searched for the others. James' had some burns and a broken wrist, Kendall had shielded Logan from a light that exploded above them and his back was scraped and bleeding, and Mrs. Knight had a broken wrist and ankle but it didn't seem to bother her as she pulled her son into a hug and cried, this time out of relief. They were trapped in that staircase for almost a day with a couple of other hotel guests, and it was almost like a small-scale version of what was happening on the outside. Some people fought and others cried, and some even died from radiation exposure or untreated wounds. Logan attempted to help a couple, mostly children, and this was met with anger from one man who demanded that the boy help him. He had grabbed him by his collar and was screaming in his face when Kendall grabbed him and punched him in the face, breaking his nose. No one bothered Logan as he tended to the younger ones after that.

The world outside was anarchy. The fires hadn't even gone out before people started stealing and murdering. They had no idea that this was how things were going to be at that point, and searched desperately for some kind of sanctuary. They were met with nothing but those who wanted to kill them, and steal the clothes off of their backs. Three days passed when Kendall picked a shotgun off of a dead woman they had founded in a convenience store. It was unnerving to all of them except Katie, who was happy to have some sort of firepower. She often said that she would carry one herself if it weren't for her leg, and the boys took turns carrying her from place to place. They left Mrs. Knight in a settlement they passed on the third day, giving all of their money to a greedy "hotel owner" who ran a business out a crumbling apartment building. Her injuries were too taxing and it was the safest place they could find, and Kendall promised to come back for her. On the ninth day, Kendall killed his first man. The eleventh, James and Logan did, and the fifteenth, Carlos. He would never forget the look in the eyes of that man, one of _emptiness_ born from pumping way too many drugs into his system. He had snuck up on them in the middle of the night and Carlos just grabbed a pistol and shot. He made the mistake of looking at the man's face when they were looting his body for any valuables, and he had nightmares for days.

They reached a well establish town on the twenty-first day and decided to stay there for a while, exhausted from their travels. Katie's leg wasn't getting better despite Logan's treatments due to lack of proper medical supplies. It was just their luck when they found out that the town didn't have one and were living off of painkillers they occasionally found on criminals that would attempt to attack the town, only to be shot down by the mercs that protected it. That's when the wheels in Logan's head started to turn, though he wouldn't say anything to his friends just then. They had been in town for four days when James approached his friends just before going to bed, a questionable look on his face.

"I don't want to stay here," He had said, "I want to leave."

Kendall was messing around with his trusty shotgun and didn't even look up to answer, "I know, man, we just have to figure out what do with Katie and then—"

"No, I mean I want to leave you guys," He murmured, fear plaguing his voice as he anticipated his friends' reactions, "Do my own thing, you know?"

"What?" Kendall stood up and tension filled the air quickly, "What is that supposed to mean?"

James was visibly intimidated by the other boy but only for a moment before he straightened back up and looked him in the eye, "I want to go to the Blue District."

Kendall let out a laugh, "Of course," He turned to Carlos and Logan and shook his head, "Of course!"

As Logan sat, watching the events unfold in front of him, he was surprised that he hadn't assumed this earlier. Naturally, James would want to go to the Blue District. Following The End, California split into multiple sections, or districts. Red was military and combat training, where one could go to get proper weapons or learn how to defend themselves against the dangers of The Desolate. People were highly advised to avoid the Yellow District, a wide span of area full of people horribly mutated and made deranged by radiation or drugs. With little to no leadership or mercenary presence in the area it was essentially a deathtrap, though it was still referred to as "grade A hunting ground" by scavengers who simply liked shooting the heads off of what were once humans for fun and sport. The "endless" Green made up most of the state and was equal in crime and punishment: for every crime committed there was an equal amount of punishment, given by self-appointed leaders or by a survivor who decided to take the law into their own hands. And then, there was the Blue District.

The Blue District was small, but sought after like a port in a storm. It was advertised as the "entertainment" portion of the area, full of clubs and casinos. In reality, it was an area full of greed, where people gambled for money they would just waste on the prostitutes that outnumbered the regular citizens. Drugs were sold alongside moldy bread and aspiring singers bumped shoulders with murderers. It was dirty and grimey to most but its streets could have been paved with gold to others, such as James. He had never given up on his dream, not even after the world ended. He would sing show tunes and pop songs as they crossed The Desolate. He would charm merchants, male or female, into giving them items at a reduced price, and even for free on a good day. He _was_ Blue.

Kendall and James argued for the rest of the night before Kendall simply shot James down, shrugging his protests off as petty, childish things that would just magically disappear morning. However, when they awoke, it was James who had vanished. No trace of him remained except a brief note.

_Guys,_

_We will see each other again, I promise. I love you. STAY ALIVE! Logan, go and save lives. World needs you. Carlos, don't lose your heart. Please. You'll hear my voice soon._

_Love, James_

Logan actually laughed as he read it, because it was so _James_. He noted that Kendall hadn't been mentioned by name, and Logan made a futile but appreciated attempt at consoling him by saying that James was just mad, and that he'll miss him too. Carlos halfheartedly read the note before tossing it aside. The other two boys were curious as to why he seemed so detached, not happy or sad or angry that his best friend just _left_. Little did they know that Carlos had nightmares every night, and woke up every night, and just so happened to wake up at the exact time James was packing up his belongings. He wasn't ashamed that he hadn't stopped him, because Carlos wanted the best for James, but he knew Kendall would be mad and never mentioned it.

That was three months ago now, and Carlos remembered that night often. When he and Logan would talk about the day, about the patients they saw, they would reminisce on their time together and how much they miss James and Kendall. They hadn't heard from James since that day, and a heavy feeling sat in their stomachs when they talked about him. They both silently assumed that if he wasn't famous, if they didn't hear his soothing voice on _Ghost Radio_, a radio station formed by a couple of tech nerds who had happened upon the only working radio tower in all of California, then he was probably dead. They didn't talk about that.

After James left, Kendall seemed to find a new fire. He was dead set on cleansing The Desolate of evil, and determined that he could only do that if he became some sort of all-powerful warrior. He decided to travel to the Red District and join the Suns, or the _Sunset Army_. This was California's military that kept order throughout the state, or at least attempted to. Truthfully, it was just as much of a joke as Blue's entertainment industry, its "training" the equivalent to Blue's casting couch.

No one dare tell Kendall that, though, and he left about a month later. Logan said that he wanted to stay in town and open a medical clinic, and Kendall refused to leave until he was sure it was stable enough and his friend would be safe. At the time, Carlos didn't know what to do. He wanted to go with Kendall and get stronger, for his dad, but he wanted to stay and help Logan help people. In the end, he chose the latter, and he became the one who arranged and conversed with merchant bands that passed through so the town would have a steady supply.

It all seemed a distant memory as Logan cut into the man who was now seizing on the table, coughing up blood. He did so for about a minute before his body went limp, and Logan moved away. He looked around at the crowd around him and their faces that wore expressions of horror before sighing and motioning to Carlos to take the body away. He did so, and he looked back and saw Logan pointing at the next person in line to be treated who shook his head and walked out. About five others did this before a young girl, no older than ten, jumped up on the table.

"Hey, hon," Logan said, putting on his best smile that looked unconvincing to anyone who knew better with those sleepy eyes, "What can I do for you?"

"I don't feel very good, Doctor," She spoke with a small, meek voice.

He handed her a cup of water and pat her leg, "You can call me Logan. What doesn't feel good?"

"Everything," She drank the water and gave the cup to Logan, who simply threw it on the ground, "My throat and my head and my eyes and my arms…"

As she went on, Logan looked her over and noticed a small spot on her elbow, and immediately knew the problem. The skin was stripped off and almost glowing a sickly green around a small scar. He grimaced as she went on.

"…And my tongue and my ears. Can you help me, Dr. Logan?"

This wasn't the first one of these he'd seen, a child mid-mutation. It starts with feeling sick and the skin peeling off, and escalates quickly. Within twenty-four hours she'd lose all mental reasoning and begin attacking anything in sight. It wasn't the first, and it wouldn't be the last, but it didn't make it any easier.

Logan did all he could do, his best, and flashed that smile, "What's your name, dear?"

"Nicole."

He looked around the table beside him and found a pill bottle, taking one out and handing it to her, "This will make everything stop hurting, Nicole. Carlos?"

Carlos had been watching intently and snapped to attention upon hearing his name, "Yeah?"

"Take Nicole to one of the guards— no, wait, take her to Catherine, and tell her we've got a live one."

"Logan…"

"Carlos," the forcefulness in his voice sent shiver down the small boy's spine, "Please. I've got other patients."

Carlos knew what that meant, "we've got a live one". They were going to put her down, like a dog. As Logan stared at his friend, his best friend, his eyes as cloudy as his judgment as doubt filled him, Carlos had no choice but to scoop up the girl and carry her out.

"Thank you, Dr. Logan!" The girl called out, and Logan waved at her weakly as he swallowed the lump in his throat.

He turned back to the table, cleaning it with a towel, and whispered to himself, "I can't do this."

"Can't do what, Dr. Logan?"

Logan turned his head so quickly he was surprised he didn't get whiplash, "Kendall!"

The doctor got up to embrace his best friend, and the other graciously hugged back. Kendall actually visited once in a while, but it didn't stop Logan and Carlos from missing him.

"What are you doing here?" Logan was beaming despite everything, and the crowd around them looked at the two with distaste, "Did you get taller?"

Kendall put his hands on the shoulders of the smaller boy, "I may have. Town next door got raided by some punkasses with explosives. Figured me and my team would stop by, see if you guys are alright…" He looked around the hospital and waved, "How's business?"

"That's what the influx is about," Logan pulled Kendall toward the table he was working on and sat back down, taking another patient, "It's fine. Not really a business 'cause I don't get paid much, but people like me. Well, most of the time."

"Saw that girl," Kendall put a hand on his friend's back, "Tough break, but you can't save 'em all, Loges," He mockingly cleared his throat, "Sorry, _Dr. _Loges."

"Very funny," Logan shined a light into the face of an elderly woman who sat on his table, complaining about pain in her eyes, "You got some dirt in your eyes, dear, probably from the explosions. Here are some eyedrops."

The woman scampered away, huffing and puffing about she didn't have no damn dirt in her eyes. A couple of hours and the lines thinned out, faith lost in the miracle hospital that was like a beacon of hope, supposedly. Logan treated whoever was left, with the help of Kendall and eventually Carlos, and was exhausted at the end of the day.

"Want me to walk you guys home?" Kendall offered, taking Logan's lab coat that he stripped off and placing it on a table.

Logan and Carlos looked at one another, and Logan snorted, "It's not a far walk, man." He said.

Kendall rolled his eyes, "Well, damn, I'm just trying to be nice," He ruffled Carlos' hair and continued, "I miss you assholes."

Carlos moved his head away from Kendall's hand, "Don't you have to go back to the Red?"

"Nah, I'm not training anymore, just waiting for them to ship me out to wherever I'm needed."

"Since when?" Logan said, "Congrats, man!"

"'Bout a month now," The three left the clinic and Logan locked the doors. The sky was dark and smoky, a result of the destruction of the neighboring town, "Kind of bored, I'm not gonna lie."

"So you figured you'd just come help out your weak friends?" Carlos said, and Logan caught the bitterness in his words despite Kendall not doing so. Logan raised his eyebrow at him and Carlos shrugged.

Kendall laughed, "Basically. You guys need a personal bodyguard?"

The walk to their small but sturdy shacks took longer than usual as they caught up, although it was mostly just Kendall going on about training and his squadmates, or Logan talking about his patients. When they arrived, Carlos was happy to go right inside, rejecting a hug from Kendall.

"What's his problem?" Kendall said after Carlos closed his door.

Logan sighed, "He's pissed about that little girl."

"Hasn't he seen that before?"

"Yeah," Logan rubbed at his eyes, "Doesn't make it any less sad, though. They have to have found a cure for the muties, right?"

"Don't think so, man," Kendall said, "It's getting worse more than it's getting better, I think. A couple of trainees off the coast all turned together one night and we had to blow them away inside the barriers."

"Damn," Logan replied, and an awkward silence hung in the air. The two had never had very many of these before, and it made them uncomfortable.

Kendall broke the silence, "So," He practically sang, "You heard from James?"

Logan shook his head, "Nope. Kinda miss him."

"Yeah, me too."

More silence. Logan suddenly became very interested in a stone that lay at his feet.

"I've got something to ask you, Logan."

He looked up at his best friend, whose face was suddenly quite somber. He also noted that Kendall had gotten his lip pierced and had shaved his head on the side, giving himself a real undercut instead of the faux one he sported before.

"Did you get your lip pierced?" Logan spat out, and immediately regretted it. Of course he did, Logan, it's right there.

"Uh, yeah," Kendall smiled, "It was kind of, like, an initiation-type thing. I got a tattoo too—"

Logan caught himself staring at Kendall's mouth as he spoke and blurted out, "What do you need to ask me?"

Kendall raised an eyebrow, "Okay, Dr. Spazzy McGee," He held up his hands and then put them down again, sighing, "I want you… well, you and Carlos… both of you…"

The tall boy trailed off and Logan was staring again, snapping himself out of it just as quickly as before, "Yeah?"

"I, uh… I want you guys to come with me," Kendall's walls suddenly came down, and he looked anywhere but at Logan, "I wanna find James and… and change the world. I wanna find out what happened."

"What happened?"

"Who dropped the bombs, ya know? Who decided to pull the plug. Who pushed the big red button—"

"I get it," Logan laughed, "But why do you want to find James?"

"'Cause we're a team."

Kendall's words struck a chord in Logan, and he couldn't help but give the boy a sympathetic look. He was still so young, they all were. They were just kids who had been thrown into this mess, and dealt with it the only ways they knew how.

"Kendall…"

"I know, it sounds silly," Kendall assured him, "But someone's gotta know, right? And we can't do it without James."

"What if we do find out? Then what do we—"

"I don't know! I…" Kendall walked toward Logan and looked him in the eye, "I haven't gotten that far yet. Look, all I know is that I wanna do it, but I don't wanna do it alone. You guys are my friends and if anyone _can_ do it, it's Big Time Rush."

That was a name the other boy hadn't heard in a while, "But James—"

"We'll find James! We've gotta find him…" Kendall grabbed Logan's hands, "Christ, man, I feel like I'm asking you to marry me. I know you've finally got a life here, or whatever, and these people need you, but I need you too, alright? And… and I want you guys with me! I don't do well on my own and—"

Logan was laughing, "Okay."

Kendall stared in disbelief, "Okay? And what are you laughing at?"

"Okay. And I'm laughing at you."

"Why are you laughing at—?" He gripped Logan's hands tighter, "Okay? You'll really do it? But what about Carlos, and the clinic, and—"

"Carlos will come too, and I'll find a replacement before we go," Logan squeezed Kendall's hands back, "Besides, we're a team right?"

Kendall hugged his best friend for entirely too long, "Man, I could cry if this wasn't already gay enough," He let go and held his shoulders at arms' length, "Yeah, a team."

Logan laughed again and Kendall realized just how much he missed that cocky laugh. He couldn't help but smile as he thought of the events that would unfold with his best friends at his side once again. They were a team, they were Big Time Rush, and not even nuclear warfare would keep them apart.


	2. Chapter 2

Logan awoke as the sun rose in the cloudless sky; illuminating the shack he called his home. It shone over various retired medical supplies and worn clothes and the boy observed how he could see the dust floating in the air in the light. _This can't be good for my lungs_, he thought bemusedly as he hoisted himself out of a small cot and stumbled toward his desk. He rubbed at his eyes as he recalled the events that occurred hours before.

After Kendall sprung his plan on him, the two talked for a whole hour before the more masculine boy observed that Logan couldn't keep his eyes open and told him, or rather ordered him, to get some sleep. As he gave into his slumber, he dreamt of Big Time Rush. He dreamt of their first performance in their hometown in Minnesota, particularly, as he sang his heart out and recognized the faces of his old friends in the crowd. He dreamt of turning to see his three best friends singing beside them, putting their whole body and soul into the performance.

He awoke with a smile as a result. This was the most excited Logan had been since The End, undoubtedly, and he quickly equipped himself with new, but equally dirty, clothing as he set off toward the "town square". He didn't attempt to wake up Carlos and, frankly, didn't know how to face him or even begin to explain what they were going to do. He figured it would be easier to tell the townsfolk first, and searched for the "mayor" of the small settlement of _Running_ ("'Cause there ain't no better place to stop when you're on the run!"). He found almost immediately, standing in front of the makeshift town hall doing business with some particularly shady-looking merchants. _Drugs, probably. I love the sweet smell of corruption in the morning!_

Upon seeing Logan, the chubby man shooed away the merchants with a few hushed whispers. The mayor wiped the sweat from his brow that Logan had already noticed and wiped his hand on his too small petticoat before sticking it out for the doctor to grab.

"Dr. Mitchell!" He said, his voice blaring quite loud for such an early hour, "What can I do for you, sir? How is the clinic?"

"Well enough," Logan faked a smile and shook the man's hand and subtly wiped the sweat, or _God-knows-what_, on his raggedy black v-neck, "Could use some more supplies though, Walter. I may have to re-use needles soon…" The boy motioned to a patch of skin on the mayor's arm that had multiple small wounds plaguing it, "You know how dangerous that can be, don't you?"

Walter pulled down his sleeve, over the exposed skin, "Don't know what you're getting at, Doc, but there isn't any need to point fingers. I'll get you your supplies, don't you worry—"

"That what you were discussing with those nice men, there?"

"That was more of a personal matter, sir—"

Logan actually laughed, "'Course it is, Walter," he said, and took a deep breath in before continuing, "Not like it matters to me if you're blowing all your money on drugs anymore, so…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" The older man squinted at the boy.

"You're gonna have to find yourself a new doctor, Walt," Logan shoved his hands his pants and shrugged, "I'm leaving."

"Wha—?"

The square was beginning to fill with the early risers and the walkers of shame. Logan turned to see some familiar faces, all staring at the two men who had made no effort at staying quiet.

He turned back to the huffing and puffing mayor, "Yup, I'm needed elsewhere, apparently," Logan threw his hands up, his face wearing an expression of sarcastic confusion, "Who knew?"

As the mayor searched for the right words to say, or rather, yell, Logan belted out a laugh once more as he turned to walk away. "Better find yourself a new doctor, Walt!"

As he made his way through the square and back to the line of shacks where he resided, Logan was confronted by multiple townsfolk. Some were sad to see him go, and to those people he reacted much differently than he did to the mayor. He truly didn't want to leave those people, and they deserved proper care. But for every kind soul Logan saw, there was someone who would spit venomous words at him about how they were glad to see him gone, or that he was a more of a murderer than a doctor.

_They don't deserve saving_, Logan thought.

The Desolate has a way of changing people. It takes the nicest, sweetest people and warps them into monsters. There were no kings or queens, no laws or guidelines. You could see someone save the life of a stranger, and within the same hour see someone auctioning off children or shooting someone in the head for the knife they carried for protection. You had to be ruthless, you had to have resolve, otherwise you would get chewed up and spit out. Literally, and figuratively. Cannibalism was a common practice among junkies and muties.

Murder, arson, rape, slavery, drug trafficking; it was all commonplace now. Logan wasn't made for that, he never was. He was brought up in a nice home, had nice parents, before he went on to live The Good Life with his best friends alongside Hollywood royalty. No one would ever think that Logan Mitchell, soft little Logan Mitchell, would be able to save the lives of people who had gotten their goddamn limbs blown off. They also didn't think that Logan Mitchell would be quite apt with a pistol, or that he would blow out the brains of anyone who dared threaten his little clinic.

No one would expect that, especially Kendall. That was all he could think about as he walked back to Running's almost respectable inn that he was staying at with his merc group. It was all he could think about as he attempted to sleep, and it kept him up, although it was aided by the drunken banter of his fellow soldiers as they whooped and hollered all throughout the night.

His brain conjured up scenes of gore as he thought of Logan being unable to defend himself as they traveled The Desolate. In some scenes, Logan was alone and overcome by someone just too big or quick for him. In others, Kendall was there, but he just wasn't _good enough_ to save the boy before he was pummeled or shot or stabbed to death by some brute. But his brain seemed to be conflicted as all get-out as it also made up scenes where Logan handled himself quite well, with a sledgehammer or a sniper rifle. Logan would get nicked by a sloppily aimed bullet, and after the battle he would strip off his shirt to nurse the wound…

Kendall couldn't seem to grasp that his little Logie was a fucking _badass_; with weapons, with medicine, with _everything_. He wasn't a kid anymore, but instead a mature young man who carried himself exceptionally well considering the circumstances. Kendall actually admired that, and was almost jealous of it. Kendall was the glory boy, the one who could do anything, but here he was, his mental state in a constant tailspin as he thought about his mom and his sister and Big Time Rush and James and fuckin' _Logan taking off his shirt to patch himself up_…

He slept two hours that night, maybe two and a half. After he was awoken by one of his drunken squadmates stumbling into Kendall's room after mistaking it for his own, he was fed up with his failed attempts at sleep and sprung out of bed, pushing past the toned man.

"Where ya goin', Ken?" A skinny soldier by the name of Ryan resided in the hall, and Kendall concluded that he must have fallen asleep in the hall after failing to find his room in his stupor.

"Out," It was all Kendall could manage as he attempted to push pat the wiry man.

Ryan burped right in Kendall's face and the boy could smell the alcohol on his breath, "Goin' ta shee that doctor again?"

"Yeah, now if you could—"

"You gotsh a crush on him or shumthin'?"

"Move, Ryan," Kendall gently pushed the man to the side, and he almost fell over before finding balance by leaning against the wall.

"Can I hash yer bed?"

"Yeah!" Kendall yelled up the stairs that he was already advancing down.

It wasn't that Kendall didn't like the guys in his squad. They were a group of eleven, six of them teenagers and the other five in their late twenties, early thirties. Kendall got on well with both groups, finding common ground in the form similar interests with the teens and in the form of stories about his travels with the older ones. But altogether, he didn't truly fit in with them. They were all so willing to put a bullet in anyone they deemed evil, whereas Kendall still saw the good in most people.

"Thought they'd of beaten that outta you during training," They would say, and Kendall honestly wished it true. Training was real rough, and he wasn't sure if he regretted actually doing it or not. It didn't take away his sense of reason, although it may not be so much reason as it was him just being a pussy and not wanting _kill people_. It was all just more uneasiness that Kendall would toss and turn over as he slept on a shitty bedroll in the end.

Kendall made his way out of the inn and toward the now bustling town square, full of the wanderers and stragglers that usually hung around there during the afternoon hours. He saw people entering shops that sold patchwork armor, mediocre weapons, or "food". He had just entered the square when he saw a small, tan boy conversing with a band of merchants. The conversing quickly elevated to arguing, and then the man selling goods seemed to be threatening the small boy.

"Look, kid, I gotta make a dollar here, and this is damn good product!"

"This rifle is broken! And this water is filthy!"

"Gun's not broken, just worse for wear! And I'll tell ya what's filthy, ya little—"

Kendall stepped between the two men with the grace of a sly cat, "Carlos! Is there a problem here?"

"'Scuse me, stretch," The merchant said, looking around the thin boy, "But this is between me and that little fruit over there—"

"You sell shit product, and you're a bigot?" Kendall turned so that his broad chest was the only thing in the man's line of sight. He felt a hand on his back and a slight tug on his loose fitting tank top.

"Kendall, I'm okay, I just need this guy—"

"It ain't shit!" The man searched around his pack and pulled out vial of anonymous liquid, "See this here? This is called _Miracle_! If ya got a broken arm it's s'posed to fix ya right up! Bought it offa some big shot in the good ol' Blue, ya see…"

Kendall snatched the small glass container out of the man's hand, much to his protest, and examined it. "This is vodka," He deadpanned.

"Wh— what? Whaddya say?"

"Vodka," Kendall popped the cork off the vial, "It's vodka. Ya know, like the drink?"

"No…" The merchant seemed to become angry, stomping his feet. He only slight resembled a child. "No! It's Miracle! It fixes broken bones! Or it kills ya once it touches yer lips, don't really remember what the guy said…"

Kendall turned to Carlos, who offered a shrug, and he investigated the contents of the vial once more. He sniffed it twice before holding it to his lips, tipping his head back, and drinking all of its contents.

Kendall let out an overdramatic _aaahhh_ sound before he spoke, "Yup, definitely vodka. Ya got gipped, old man." Kendall could hear Carlos snort from behind him.

"Yer shittin' me—"

"Nope, now fuck outta here. You're takin' up space."

The merchant did so, albeit dejectedly. Kendall turned to Carlos who was shaking his head.

"You're ridiculous, Kendall," he said, rubbing his temple.

"So are you, or you used to be," Kendall walked to Carlos' side and slung an arm around him, beginning to walk him toward the shacks. "What's up with you, man? Every time I see ya you're looking stressed, or mad, or—"

"You see what I have to put up with."

"Yeah, but you gotta have some reason to smile. I mean, Logan smiles all the time—"

"Logan saves peoples' lives."

"You do too, kinda. I mean, not like Log—"

Carlos shrugged off Kendall's arm, "So how long you in town for?"

"Couple 'o days. Two, maybe," Kendall turned to his friends, and he was actually beaming, "Then we're outta here, man."

They were nearing the shacks now, and Kendall could feel his heart flutter when he could make out Logan's figure standing out front. Carlos turned to Kendall, looking him in the face for the first time that day.

"Kendall?"

He snapped to attention, "Yeah?"

"Answer my question."

"What question?"

"What do you mean "we"?"

"You know, _we_. Me, you, Logan…"

"Where are _we_ going?"

"To find James… Logan didn't—?"

Speak of the devil. Logan noticed his friends and called, "Kendall! Carlos!"

Carlos walked ahead of Kendall as the tall boy slowly, but surely, figured out what had just happened. He then rushed to stop the other boy, making an attempt at grabbing his wrist for it to only be violently shoved away. Carlos was close to Logan now, and he was shouting.

"Where are we going, Logan?" He yelled, and Kendall was running now.

"What— whaddya mean, man?"

"You, Kendall, and me," Carlos' voice was low and intimidating, two things that normally weren't associated with the boy, "Where are we going?"

Logan watched as Kendall came up behind the threatening boy, "Carlos, I… I was gonna tell you—"

"Tell me what, Logan?"

"Kendall wants us to leave—"

Carlos laughed, "Oh, of course," He rolled his eyes, "If _Kendall_ wants it, then we better part the red _fucking_ seas, right? Open the _fucking _floodgates, lower the _fucking_ drawbridge…"

Kendall made a point of ignoring the personal attacks on himself as he stepped between his two friends, "Carlos, just hear me... _us_ out…"

"Carlos, please…"

"You gonna leave the clinic, Logan?" It was as if Carlos was looking right through the gangly boy that stood between him and his target. "You gonna leave all these people that need you?"

"They don't need me. Hell, they don't even _want_ me!"

"That's bullshit, and you know it. It's only because Kendall is here…"

It was as if he didn't exist as Kendall listened to the argument being waged around him. He felt helpless as Carlos tossed words at his best friend, and as Logan tried desperately to get a word in he was only cut off by the other boy. Kendall couldn't take it anymore.

"We're going to find James!" He spat out, and Carlos went silent. His face wore an expression of shock, and then one of suspicion as he rose an eyebrow.

"…What?"

"We're gonna travel The Desolate and find him."

Still unconvinced, he continued to question the boy, "Why?"

"…'Cause we're better together," He looked to Logan and stared hard before turning back to Carlos, "The four of us, ya know. Big Time Rush…"

Carlos' eyes were cloudy as his brain processed the events. _James. He didn't forget James._

_This Kendall wants to find James._

"And your dad."

Kendall felt the eyes that bore into his back and could imagine Logan's thought process as the words sat heavily on the stale air. It was something along the lines of, "What the hell was that why did you say that you're lying to him you can't lie to him he's Carlos you're lying Kendall what the fuck take that back right now you don't lie to your friends".

"We're gonna find your dad, Carlos," Kendall desperately tried to search the boy's face for any semblance of a reaction, but it was all too much for him to read.

"My dad?" Carlos choked out, "_Papi_?"

"Yeah, your papi…"

"But he's in Minnesota. They all are…"

"We're gonna find 'em."

"Carlos…" Logan spoke from behind Kendall and he was moving around the boy to face his best friend, his assistant.

"My dad…" Carlos trailed off, and as if on cue, the moment ended when the familiar sound of a gunshot filled the air. It came from the town square and chaos was quickly incited as screams were heard. No words were exchanged as the three boys moved quickly to the center of the town, only to find someone firing rounds into the air and laughing.

_That dirty fuckin' merchant_, Kendall thought.

Logan quickly assessed the situation. Two bleeders, an elderly woman and a young man. He reached for the pistol he always kept on his hip and looked to his two friends, seeing that Kendall had already equipped his shotgun and Carlos, a knife.

The tattered man noticed the opposition and his laughing grew more maniacal. "Shit product, he says…" He advanced on the three boys, the "worse-for-wear" rifle drawn and aimed at them…

And then he went to take the shot, and it didn't work. Kendall took the opportunity and fired two shots, both in one leg. Logan landed one in his shoulder, and Carlos put his weapon away as he directed the few remaining civilians out of the area and ran to the wounded.

The man fell, gripping his bleeding shoulder. He screamed obscenities as blood pooled around him. Kendall and Logan joined Carlos and helped tend to the injured, none of which were in a fatal state. Kendall picked up the woman and carried her bridal style while the man leaned on Carlos for support, and they walked in the direction of the clinic. Logan walked ahead to get a head start.

The old woman was practically smothering Kendall with smooches as she praised him for his valor and he was wearing a grin as he turned to Carlos.

"Told you we're better together."

The women kissed him again, almost catching his lips. Carlos smiled.

"Yeah, I guess we are."

Logan breathed out a heavy sigh of relief at the front as the hospital


End file.
